What if you were dead ?

What if you were dead ?

 

Will you suddenly be alright ? Will you stop suffering ? Most likely.

But you still remember the pain you felt , when your heart stopped for a second the moment you heard the word “dead” it was still this strange concept that people feared that became suddenly clear.It was right at this moment that you really fell in the abyss. That is why you promised yourself that suicide wasn’t an option despite all those thoughts swarming in your mind of you stabbing yourself in the heart with the biggest knife in the house while screaming “Will I suddenly feel something now !?”.                That’s why now you’re scared of using knives , wondering ” Will I suddenly lose control and stab myself ?”

Your fall will only lead to new ones , you don’t want to repeat that vicious circle , instead of suicide you’re thinking of being run over and maybe your parents will get money out it, if you manage to make it look like it wasn’t your goal to be ran over.Maybe at that moment, will you make your parents proud or what parents are supposed to feel.

Now repeat those words you keep saying like a prayer every night :

“Suicide is not an option.”

“Suicide is not an option.”

“Suicide is not an option.”

“Suicide is not an option.”

“Suicide is not an option.”

What if you were loved ?

What if you were loved ?

 

There are more than seven billion people on Earth.But even among those billion , no one is loving you , or maybe someone do.But why would someone love you ? Look at yourself in the mirror , you’re disgusting that’s why you can’t even stand seeing your own reflection in the mirror.Appearance is not the most important thing but even your parents don’t love you , how can you expect someone to love you if even the one that gave you birth is not loving you.

You, among those billion , if you love him/her , go ahead and tell him/her.

You remember that day , when someone told you “you’re looking good today” , it wasn’t a joke or anything but all the time spent self hating your appearance made it seems like a lie .That hatred is deeply rooted, that even honest words sounded like lies to you.Same goes with love, you would laugh at the idea of someone loving you. How can someone love you when even yourself can’t bear the idea of being with yourself.You don’t even know what love is , or what it is supposed to make you feel.Love is this strange concept , that dream , mirage that you are craving for because of all those romantic movies. Love is not meant for people like you who are craving for death as much as you crave for love.

Go ahead and tell her/him that you love her/him , she/he might laugh and walk away but inside she/he will feel something for once and it could be a turning point in his life.

What if you were happy

What if you were happy.

 

Will you suddenly spend your life smiling ? Smiling at your family , friends , neighbors, maybe you will even smile at strangers , you will smile at life.Yet you are smiling lately , you laugh , you even go out, so why are you not happy ? A passerby would see someone happy in you who is smiling , laughing , going out while it is the contrary, you spend your nights alone, your days alone , your life alone.Your family only represents discomfort in your eyes, seeing them , being around them is only hurting you deeply.Your friends forget you as fast your heartbeats that keeps growing every nocturnal panic attacks. Your neighbors, you don’t even know them, you don’t even want to know them, you don’t even want to run into them or worse be stuck with them in the elevator, by stuck you mean not even two heartbeats and for you it is a lot.Strangers at least you will never see them again, you won’t be for them a growing disappointment or a mistake yet in three heartbeats, they already analyzed you and rejected you as fast as your family did.